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One-Two Liners

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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. U r my headache, one day I’ll kill
u.

Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come Read the rest of this entry »

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Store selling husband and wife

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A store that sells new husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the floors. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
Read the rest of this entry »

It’s all in the fridge

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One morning at a doctor’s clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him” OK, what happened to your back?” The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back”

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.. What the hell happened to you?” He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late… I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to youuuuuu…. .?” “Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor”

Santa and Banta

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Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya …?

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke…
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon… Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya
Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli ‘Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain’

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya ..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

Sardar jee

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sardar.jpg

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How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once a Sardar was waking he had a gloves on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn’t reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day. His distraught mother ran and asked him ” Arre Puttar, ki hoya?” (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?” (These Maruti Car
people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)
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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also
died.

‘But I think I know where I’m going wrong,’ said Santa, ‘I think I’m planting them too deep.’
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Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering – Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?
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Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ..
Mechanic – Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
Sardar – Dusri side tera baab dalega kya????

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A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question :-
Interviewer – Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar – Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.
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A Sardar was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle, why?
Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end
but also its beginning !

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Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table &
says – What a shit ? “I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all” ?.
Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone
Directory….
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2 Days of Power cut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters…..

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Sardarji, tell me …., what is the meaning of SMS ?
Sardar angrily said, i know – it means….

S – Sardaron ke
M – Mazak udane ki
S -Service
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Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?
Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!

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A Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road….why?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the
office
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2 sardars talking during diwali 1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to
Pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ? 2nd: Kyonki
hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche
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A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in particular She replied: That’s easy. I call them by their surname !
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koi apni biwi ka ! antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki
achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui. dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pohanch gayee
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Man: How was your exam today ? Sardar: Fine, except for one
question which was difficult Man: Which one ? Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ? I thought…i thought …i thought about it and wrote THUNK