Smoking and alcohol

Two Guys in Bar

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In a bar 1 guy says 2 another,
“I slept with ur mom last nite”
D whole bar was waiting for other guys response.
He laughs n says,
“LeT’s Go hOmE dAd Ur DrUnK”

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A local bar regular

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A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual.

The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Read the rest of this entry »

Always tell your wife the truth

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A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.
He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
Read the rest of this entry »

How old are you?

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A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing,” said the woman, “how old are you?” “Twenty-six,” he said.