Jokes

Engineer opens a clinic

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An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.”
A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 note.
Doctor: “But this is $500…”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $500.”

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Performance & Position

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A Priest dies and is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven’s Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who you are, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not. Read the rest of this entry »

Use of Technology

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Madam: Useless Bai !!!.. Why didn’t you come last week? And that too without informing me??????
Kamwali Bai: O Myadam… I had updated my Facebook status as “Will be out of town for a week..”. Saaheb knows. He even commented “Come soon… Miss U!!”

Here we go

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Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Read the rest of this entry »

One-Two Liners

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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. U r my headache, one day I’ll kill
u.

Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come Read the rest of this entry »

The Trouble Tree

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The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. Read the rest of this entry »

I Just Needed To Use Your Car

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After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. Read the rest of this entry »