One-Two Liners

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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. U r my headache, one day I’ll kill
u.

Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come

What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8
ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He’s now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the
crocodiles.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female
neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.She opened
it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.A little later she came
out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then
slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail
box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.Puzzled by her
actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”To which she replied, “There
certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE
GOT MAIL!”

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New
Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

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