The Raise

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“The Raise”

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary
for the following reasons:

I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge
head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends
or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment.
I don’t get paid overtime. I work in a dark workplace
that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have raised, the administration
rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep
on the job after brief work periods. You do not
always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are
often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative; you need to be pressured
and stimulated in order to start working. You leave
the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don’t always observe necessary safety
regulations, such as wearing the correct protective
clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You
are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes
leave your designated work before you have
completed the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and exiting the workplace
carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

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